Oath of the Horatii (1784) by Jacques-Louis David
A Note from the Author:
This is a letter concerning what I wish I had taken more seriously when I was your age. In it, I hope you find challenge and encouragement to be the man God wants you to be. For far too long, your role in the world has been demonized, neglected, and misunderstood. My words here are an attempt to combat all of these things and provide you with both a positive vision of your future and practical steps to making it happen. I write these words with passion, longing to see a generation of men rise up and rule themselves, their families, their countries, and the world for the glory of God.
Dear Young Men,
I want you to imagine that when you woke up this morning and looked in the mirror, you saw several visions of who you would be in the future. At first glance, you saw a picture of yourself in 5 years. At second, 10 years. After a rub of your eyes, 20 years. Finally, after splashing water on your face, 50 years. Now imagine that as those images flashed before you, each one contained more than just yourself, but all the people you had made a positive impact on for the kingdom of God.
Would you like what you see? Would you be alone? Would you recognize yourself? Would you look tired, bitter, and lifeless? Or worn yet full of life, bright-eyed, and joyous?
Now consider another image. It is your 100th birthday. Before you blow out the candles, you take a moment to look around the house. What would you see? Would it be a mighty host of godly family and friends? A gathering full of thriving marriages, squeaking great-grandchildren, and the joyous magic of warm Christian company. Or would it be the opposite? A few people who show up out of obligation. A company riddled with divorce, children out of wedlock, alcoholism, and the tense air of ungodly division.
I present both images before you because whether you know it or not you are contributing to that future self and company. In other words, you are in the process of becoming someone. The question you need to answer is who. The more seriously you can think about that future self now, the more likely you are to achieve that positive future vision. Yet, the more you fool around and treat that future with triviality, the greater chance that your 100th birthday will be lifeless and the image in the mirror 50 years from now will look like a ghastly creature.
My point is this: the way you are living your life right now is setting you and your descendants up for spiritual growth and flourishing, or for spiritual death and decay.
Or, as C.S Lewis rightfully said,
“Every time you make a choice you are turning the central part of you, the part of you that chooses, into something a little different than it was before. And taking your life as a whole, with all your innumerable choices, all your life long you are slowly turning this central thing into a heavenly creature or a hellish creature: either into a creature that is in harmony with God, and with other creatures, and with itself, or else into one that is in a state of war and hatred with God, and with its fellow creatures, and with itself. To be the one kind of creature is heaven: that is, it is joy and peace and knowledge and power. To be the other means madness, horror, idiocy, rage, impotence, and eternal loneliness. Each of us at each moment is progressing to the one state of the other.”
Just as the ripples spread from a rock dropped in a pool, you have the opportunity to grow into a godly man who leaves a wake of Christian impact for generations. Your spiritual formation is not just about yourself but about the lives of others. If this scares you, good. It’s time to grow up; to be depended on; to be a man.
At this point, you might be thinking to yourself, “Yes, I get it. I must become a man of God for myself, my family, and my friends. Because I don’t want that terrible future you painted. Yet, how do I get there? How do I grow into the man God wants me to be?”
If Lewis is right, and our decisions are shaping our souls into either a heavenly or a hellish creature, then, as I have already said, how you are living now eternally matters. Before I get into some practical steps for turning that central part of you into a man in harmony with God, I want to point to a godly example we can learn from.
Jonathan Edwards (1703-1758) is widely known as a prolific writer, pastor, theologian, and philosopher. His airtight sermons and boldness for the Gospel played an important role in what has been called the First Great Awakening in America, a time of rapid evangelical growth and spiritual transformation in our country. But, in the shadow of his legacy of preaching and writing, lies a glossed-over part of Edwards’ life—who he was as a husband and father and who his descendants became. Edwards was not only a faithful shepherd of his church flock, but he was also a faithful spiritual leader of his family. Accounts describe him leading his family in daily worship (reading bible verses, singing hymns, praying, and reciting catechisms). He and his wife had 11 children, all of whom later testified to their fathers Chrisitan character and leadership. This picture of a faithful father who leads his household is noble and good, and one that I hope you aspire towards. But let’s see what the fruit of his faithfulness was.
In the late 1800s, a famous study was conducted tracing the impact of Edwards on his descendants. His eleven children went on to have many children of their own, and their children went on to have more, and their children, etc. What the study found was truly remarkable. The ripple effects of Jonathan Edwards’ life were profound. The study reported that his family tree included the following:
• 100+ missionaries & ministers
• 13 college presidents
• 65 professors
• 30 judges
• 60 physicians
• 100+ lawyers
Undoubtedly, many of these descendants were directly impacted by Edwards, but think about how many of them were the ripple effects of his faithfulness. You see, Edward’s vision for his life didn’t just stop with him. It went well beyond his grave to his future generations. He realized the life he led in the present could have dramatic consequences on those in the future for good or for ill. Thus, he was not only responsible for his own spiritual formation but, in a way, the spiritual formation of many he never even met.
Think about that. God used a man who took not only his soul seriously but the souls of those around him to bring rich blessings to the world. All the credit here is to the grace and goodness of God, obviously, for he causes the growth, but the seeds were planted by a man who took life seriously. You can have a similar impact.
Thus far, we have established several things. Multiple visions of your future, this idea that your spiritual formation matters, and we have now introduced an example of someone who took his life seriously. Now, I think it is appropriate to turn the attention of this letter towards the practical. That is, what are the steps I can take now as a young man towards formation? Here, I want to ask you five questions. Wrestle with each and consider my reflections carefully. These are by no means the only questions you need to think about, but I believe they are a great starting point.
1. When you wake up in the morning and before you go to sleep at night, what do you do?
Every day, God providentially causes the sun to rise and the sun to set. The period between its rising and setting has been given to us for living. But at night, he has wired us to rest, to display our limitedness by sleeping. This is intentional. God has given your day two important bookends, the morning and the evening. What do you do during both times?
In the morning, do you roll out of bed and start scrolling? Do you snooze your alarm and wait til the last minute to get to school?
At night, do you sit in front of the game way longer than you should? Do you sit and waste time watching things that don’t matter? Watching things that are actually corrupting your soul?
Let’s go back to that 100-year-old you. That is a lot of waking up and going to sleep, isn’t it? To become the man of God you would like to be, those times must be filled with His Word.
Consider what the Psalmist, David, a man after God’s own heart, said,
Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; but his delight is in the law[b] of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers. The wicked are not so, but are like chaff that the wind drives away. Therefore, the wicked will not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous; for the Lord knows the way of the righteous, but the way of the wicked will perish. (Psalm 1)
And in another place, the longest chapter in the Bible about his love of God’s law, he says,
“How can a young man keep his way pure, but guarding it according to your word?” (Psalm 119:11)
And again,
“I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.” (Psalm 119:9)
And Jesus himself, in the wilderness, said:
“Man shall not live on bread alone, but every word that comes from the mouth of God.” (Matthew 4:11)
Spiritual growth is impossible apart from daily communion with God through his word and prayer. In the morning, you rise and meet with God and say, I need you. Be my daily bread. At night, before you sleep, you open his word and say, I need you, I failed so much today. Repeat that process throughout the rest of your life and see what happens. I guarantee you will see a man of purity, honor, godliness, vitality, and prosperity.
Some of you wonder why your zeal for God is weak. Your defenses against sin are too easily overwhelmed. And you find yourself doing the same vices over and over again. The place to start is simple. God’s word. I guess that you are malnourished; you aren’t filling your soul with the sweet morsels of the word of God. Rather, you are starting and ending your day with garbage. Do not say you don’t have time. You think you don’t have time now, wait until you are older and reconsider.
Wake up early, get in God’s word, and pray to him. Repeat.
As you go to bed, get into God’s word and pray to him. Repeat.
I dare you to see what happens.
2. What are you looking at?
There is a common saying, potentially overused, but still good, that what you behold is what you become. I believe this wholeheartedly. Where are your eyes, young man? What do they look at daily? Wandering and wasted attention is not a recipe for spiritual growth and not a trait of a godly man. You must be focused and focused on the right things. The world is full of all sorts of distractions. Things quite literally designed to steal your attention and drag you into the depths of sin and death. If you can’t learn to control your eyes now, it won’t get better with age; it’ll get worse. Many man have been ruined because of their eyes. After all, sin looks good on the outside, but on the inside it is full of destruction.
Jesus knew this, he said,
“The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are healthy,[a] your whole body will be full of light. 23 But if your eyes are unhealthy, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!” (Matthew 6:22-23)
Even humanity’s first sin started with wrongly placed attention. Genesis 3 tells us,
“So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate.”
I’ll ask you again what you’re consuming with your eye. The elephant in the room is pornography. And it is a prime example of the wickedness that is offered to you as pleasure for your eyes. But believe me, it is not pleasure, nor is it good, nor is it harmless. What you are seeing is not reality but evil. And it is turning that central part of you into a hellish creature. Fight it with the word of God, flee temptation, and guard your eyes. Look at the things that are beautiful and good and true in this world. God’s creation, great literature, noble stories, and uplifting art. Feed your soul images of glory and goodness, not shame and evil.
3. What are you listening to?
Just as the vanity fair of the world is full of images to draw your attention away, it is also full of wicked sounds. Music is the first thing that comes to mind. I recently ran a rough study on the composition of the top twenty songs on the Billboard top 100. I asked ChatGPT to pull the lyrics of each song and tell me what percentage of them spoke of sex, drugs, alcohol, included curse words, or violence. Surely, you can guess the result. God has wired us in such a way that music is transformational. We remember a tune with words much better than we remember something simply spoken. There is a reason for this: Christianity is a singing religion.
The universe itself has been imagined by many a great mind to be musical. Think back to the CS Lewis quote, he says living in “harmony” with God. But just as there is beauty and harmony, there is dissonance and ugliness. Modern rap and most pop music are perfect examples of this. It fills the minds of listeners with all sorts of degenerate language and practices. When you listen, you are in a way participating in the things they speak of. You wonder why you look at girls that way, speak of them in that way, and blurt out corrupt talk when something goes wrong. I guess that it’s closely connected to the music you listen to and the people you surround yourself with. If you surround yourself with other men who speak as the songs do, you will inevitably do the same. This is not forming you positively. Fill your eyes in the same way I encouraged you to fill your eyes with music that is good and beautiful and right. And sings of great things. I don’t mean by this that you have to listen to K Love radio or modern worship music only cause in my opinion, most of it is not good or beautiful. Listen to classical music, listen to the great hymns of the church, and find bands that sing about human things with excellence. They are out there; chances are, they might not be famous because of the music industry scene. But they are talented and good.
4. How do you speak?
If every word you said over the course of a week were to be taken down in a manuscript, what would it contain?
God’s word has much to say about our tongues. James calls the tongue a “rudder,” steering us towards destruction or life (James 3:4-6). Paul instructs the church in Ephesians to let no unwholesome talk come out of their mouths but only words that build others up (Ephesians 4:29). Proverbs tell us that the tongue has the power for death or life (Proverbs 18:21). And Jesus tells us we will give an account for every careless word we speak (Matthew 12:36).
It’s easy as a young man to have a free tongue. But once again, it is not setting you or your descendants up for spiritual flourishing. In fact, an untamed tongue leads to destruction. Think of people who can’t keep their word, or those who can’t keep a secret, or those who constantly complain and degrade. They are miserable because they have no hold on their tongue. If you don’t start taking how you speak seriously, you will be too.
I guess that your transcript could potentially be full of complaining, cussing, degrading, and the wandering fillers (um, uh, like, and ya know) that so many young men use today. But it does not have to be. Rather than being a loudmouthed fool, you can slowly become a man whom people listen to.
Words matter. It’s time to take them seriously. As a husband, father, and friend, your words can direct those around you toward the kingdom of God.
5. How are you taking care of your body?
Let me tell you an all too common but sad story.
As a young man, Joe was a high school athlete. He played sports year-round, went to the gym regularly, and always found time to be active. But after graduating high school, his glory days ended, and he went off to college. There, fraternity life and school took up more time than he expected, and he slowly but surely drifted out of shape.
Fast forward to his graduation, Joe had put on about fifteen pounds since high school. Eventually, Joe started work and began the 8-to-5 grind, looking to climb his way up the ladder. At some point along the way, Joe got married and had a couple of kids. Now, at 40 years old, Joe was making more money, but he was also thirty pounds heavier than his high school self. Between the kids, work, his marriage, and other hobbies, Joe had no time for the gym and never really took his diet seriously.
As the years went by, Joe was never able to recover his former fitness. He tried the latest diet fads and cycled through several gym memberships, but once he reached 60, he figured it all a waste of time. He retreated to the couch and the television, and only rarely did anything remotely active.
In the last two decades of his life, Joe developed several underlying conditions that led to medication after medication. To add on, several hard falls from a lack of balance and strength led to a mountain of medical bills. Unable to hold his grandchildren or his wife, for that matter, Joe spent the final years of his life wasting away mentally, physically, and spiritually.
Now, young man, that story is completely fictional, but it contains much truth. Your physical fitness and well-being matter. The lifestyle you live, the food you eat, and the exercise habits you create all play a role in your service unto God and your family and others in the body.
Do you want to be able to play pick-up basketball with your teenage son? Or chase your grandchildren around the yard? Or live to see your great-grandchildren’s first steps?
By God’s grace, many of those things can be attained by a man who takes care of his body. Just as I have called you not to fill your ears or eyes with junk, so too with your body. Take care of yourself. Lift weights, do hard things, compete, and get outside. Be strong and vital, your great-grandchildren want to know you!
Who are you becoming, young man?
I hope my words have challenged you to thoughtfully consider the answer to this question.
Rome wasn’t built in a day, and great men don’t happen by accident. They are forged through years of trial, success, hardship, and suffering. Yet, through all this, they have a vision for their future. They pursue an end worth living for and dying for.
Young man, I invite you to join me in this pursuit, for God’s glory and our good. The road is tough, and the way is narrow, but our Captain will lead us on. So take heart, stop wasting your life, and begin becoming the man God created you to be today.
William “JC Ryle” Allen
Great stuff brother!